Ray leaned over slowly, keeping his eyes fixed on the semi-automatic that was pointed at them. They'd been ambushed as they walked through the front door of the bank, and were sitting on the floor with the other hostages, under the careless eye of a gum-chewing scumbag in ugly denim overalls.
"Hey, Fraser," Ray whispered into Fraser's ear. "What if those guys threatened to kill us unless we had sex?"
Fraser turned his head slightly, his forehead creasing. "They're bank robbers. What earthly reason would they have to coerce us into—"
"Maybe they can't afford porn." Ray elbowed Fraser in the ribs.
"Ray, these men are in the middle of carrying out an incredibly complex, carefully timed heist. I hardly think they'd risk capture by indulging their baser—"
"Fraser," Ray whispered, "just listen to me, okay?"
Fraser's head bent obediently closer and Ray could smell him over the dry air-conditioned smell of office carpeting and the Blue Jacket Lady's perfume.
"If they wanted us to—which, okay, yeah, is not that likely—" Ray licked his lips, and clenched his hands in his lap. "—but if they did, I'd do it." He looked around the room to make sure no one was paying them any attention. "I, uh, I could do that."
Fraser exhaled right against his ear. "Well, of course, Ray. It's a hostage situation, and any sacrifice is justified, although I still don't see why—"
"Sacrifice." Ray nodded slowly. "Yeah, okay. Never mind. Forget it."
"But Ray, why do you think they're likely to ask us to—"
"No, Fraser. No. Forget it. I said to forget it. Think about pink elephants. Think about deaf wolves."
At which point, of course, Dief burst through the door with a troupe of rescue Mounties.
Fraser let it lie while they processed the guys and debriefed, but the second they were alone together—in the Goat—he brought it up again. "Ray, was there something about those particular bank robbers that made you think of—ah, that is, that they might want us to—?"
Ray's heart sank. "Drop it, Fraser."
"I'm just trying to understand your train of thought," Fraser said mildly. "You did posit the initial hypothesis."
"I'll posit your face if you don't let it go," Ray told him, but then he pulled up at some lights and looked at Fraser over the rims of his glasses, and there was a light in Fraser's eye, maybe a gleam, like he wasn't as clueless as he was acting. It was a crapshoot, but Ray was feeling lucky. He licked his teeth and turned back to the road. "You want to understand my train of thought? Okay, here's a free day-pass. You ready?"
He shot Fraser a glance, and Fraser nodded.
"All aboard," said Ray. "Here's how it goes. First stop: one of these days we really are gonna get ourselves killed. Two: this could be that day. Just my luck I'd get tapped during a lousy bank heist instead of doing all the crazy stuff I do with Fraser. Three: Fraser." Ray tightened his hand on the wheel, and shifted in his seat a little. "Four: I want to have sex again before I die, you know? Really good blow-the-roof-off sex. Sex with Fraser. Five: yeah, right. The only way Fraser would agree to have sex with me would be if the bank robbers made us."
"Hey," Ray held up on hand to keep him quiet, "you wanted the scenic tour, I'm givin' it to you. You want to get off?"
Fraser licked his lip. "In what sense, exactly?"
Ray slammed his foot on the brake, ignored the squeals and horns behind him, and turned to Fraser. "Say that again. Say that again now, this minute."
The corner of Fraser's mouth, twitched. "You said, 'Do I want to get off?' and I said, 'In what sense?'"
Ray felt his blood pressure shooting up, his face getting red, but he tried to play it cool. "That's, uh, that's what I thought you said. Okay, so—"
"We're holding up traffic," Fraser pointed out.
"Right, yeah. Traffic." Ray swallowed. "Right."
"And we're very close to your apartment, Ray, which although lacking in pornographically minded bank robbers—"
Fraser slanted a sly glance sideways, and Ray blushed even harder. Even his toes were blushing inside his shoes.
"—does, I believe, contain a bed."