Rating: R(?)
Pairing: Fraser/Kowalski
Notes: For the Neck(ing) challenge on ds_flashfiction. With apologies to Rodgers and Hammerstein.

Sister Maria explains due South
to the von Trapp Children

by lyra_sena and china_shop

Stiff tunic collars and boots that are shiny
Vaults full of water and crypts, oh so tiny
Whitt-eling elk from the bark of a log
Dinners with Ray and a wolf that's half dog.

Licking dead bodies and smelling their fingers
Jumping from buildings, and bombs with weird triggers
Stetsons and Henleys and caribou tales
Ointments concocted from blubber of whales!

Neck cracks and lip licks and tugging at collars
Sleeping in bedrolls, Canadian dollars
No, thank you kindly and yes, if you please
For every fresh case, a new weird expertise.

When the Mountie
on the Bounty
makes his partner pissed
You know that it's only a matter of time
before they begin to kiss.

Still they pretend and repress all their feelings
Fight, moan and bitch, and just stare at their ceilings
Till Ray smiles real broadly and bam! it's revealed
Ms. Fraser has fallen head over high-heels.

Leaping and flying while ducking for cover
Necking in alleys as hands roam all over
Crazy car chases and takeout Chinese
Fraser is happiest down on his knees.

Lots of sniffing
Lots of grinning
They're a pair of freaks.
It takes them a while to figure it out
But then they have sex for weeks.

Stakeouts and shootouts and even the men's room
The back of the car and the CPD storeroom
Doorways and sofas and Consulate desks
No place is safe from the rampant hot sex.

The best thing 'bout Fraser's his oral fixation
Oh, that, and he's gorgeous - a double temptation
He'll lick down Ray's neck at the drop of a hat
And once he's got started, he won't stop at that.

There is moaning
There is groaning
Jaws so tightly clenched
And oh god, when Fraser gets going he has
A penchant for speaking French.

30 is steamy and 20 is pleasing,
10 put a sweater on, 0 is freezing
Lanyards and leather, brass buttons and serge
Looks like the kinks are about to emerge.

Clinging to airplanes and crevasse caresses,
Beer and bark tea: a duet not to mess with.
Shake, bad guys, shake! It's a kick in the head
Almost as wild as the Mountie in bed.

Buddy breathing
Fear of leaving
It's an OTP!
And then right at the end they ride off in a sled.
Together, they're meant to be.

Welsh and Francesca and Turnbull and Thatcher
Duck boys and Stella, Muldoon and his capture
Bob in the closet, yeah don't forget Dief
To sum up due South we'll be short and quite brief:

The first Ray is Vecchio, but he's undercover;
Kowalski's now Vecchio (and he's Fraser's lover).
There's baseball and boxing and hockey and chess
and (mostly off-screen) boys in states of undress.

When they finally
take their clothes off
Such ecstatic bliss!
In the script for this eppy, if you will recall:
a Fraser/Kowalski kiss!

Ray: Fraser – are you wearing shorts?
Fraser: *small cough* Well, yes. You did say you were getting rid of those old curtains…
Ray: I knew I shouldn't have let you watch that movie.
Dief: *snorts*

Feedback and/or comments on livejournal are always welcome.